Moving on.

Dear Christina,

I remember when I first met you. You were a friend of Kelsey’s and you were willing to give up a week to help her as she led a mission trip with students. You were beautiful with kind eyes and an inviting smile. Since that time I have come to know you in a very different way and today I have the joy of  declaring that you are my beautiful friend with the kind eyes, the inviting smile and the intentional heart. I have mixed emotions about you moving “upstairs”. While you are gifted and called by God,which is just understating the obvious, I am selfish and I want you to stay down here in this space.

One thing I have learned over the years is that although it is difficult to embrace, change is something with which I must learn, on an ongoing basis, to live. Because you are not really leaving, this is sort of the farewell where nothing really needs to be said, in part because our adventures don’t have to end. And that is a good thing. At the same time, nothing will be quite the same, so it is tinged with a kind of sadness. Of course no one wants their group of friends and colleagues to be exactly the same over a course of years, but a selfish part of every person wants it all to be repeated out of nostalgia, kind of like putting it all into a little jewelry box that when opened up has the familiarity of the ballerina spinning just the way it was when you last opened the lid.

I guess the main reason saying “goodbye” is difficult is because life will never be the same since we are closing the door on your HSM chapter, thus committing it to memory. It will no longer be an organic, living thing. I think goodbyes are a certain brush with mortality. It is like time running out and so we must make the most of every conversation, every encounter since it might be the last.  I like to live my life imagining that my next reunions are just around the corner and that, though a chapter might close, the stories will never come to an end!

Christina,when I was younger I had mentors who were all older than me and spoke into my life, modeling grace and holiness, displaying redemption and joy. I guess I always pictured mentors as older because the Bible offers the mandate to older believers. And even though I do believe that wisdom comes with age (sometimes),as I am growing older and after years of ministry with young people, I think young people can be very wise (1 Tim. 4:12). In other words, generally there isa connection between age and wisdom, but not necessarily!  I bring it up to you because you are younger(duh)and you are one of my mentors. I want to be like you “when I grow up”. I am in awe of your intentionality, the depth of your faith and the way you lead others by your words and your character to live lives of holiness and integrity.

Thank you for habitually pointing to Jesus. Thank you for being a joyful way of knowingHim better. May God bless you all the days of your life and may “your tribe increase”.

Jim learned to play the guitar on this Broadway Harmony. I am passing it on to you because,like him, you have led me into the Throne room in creative and lovely ways. I am grateful.   With love, Miriam 

Gethsemane, Israel

PS See you Upstairs!

Happy Christmas 2018

Happy Christmas 2018

So I got an Apple Watch this year. Did you know that you can use it to take pictures from your iphone?  Can you tell that I am learning how to use this feature in our family selfie?!

For those of you who are not on social media, or don’t live nearby and see any of us on a regular basis, you may be out of touch with what is going on in the lives of the Mohlers! Here are some of the highlights (and low points) our family experienced this year:

Clayton graduated in May with a degree in Accounting from Biola University. He works for an accounting firm in Irvine (HVCT) and makes his home in Fullerton. Clayton’s travels were varied as he traveled to Houston, Chicago, Ukraine, Utah and Arizona this year. He is happily single, but has been busy celebrating his friends who have found their life partner!  His soccer career is over but he finds ways to keep kicking!

Emily and Connor are both on pastoral staff as youth directors at Crosspoint Church in Chino.  They have 2 cats; Louise can high-five and Gene will play fetch. They have passes to Disneyland and are enjoying their 4thyear of married life! Emily and Connor made trips to Northern California,Oregon and Arizona.

I still live in Downey and commute to EvFree Fullerton; it takes about an hour each way, due to traffic. I am grateful for a great place to live, a car that runs great and a job! When I am not working or driving to work I am usually hangin’ with friends, watching(Dodger) baseball or wandering Disneyland or the internet! Though I usually have too much month at the end of my money, I managed a few short trips toNorthern CA and Arizona, although most of those trips were for weddings or funerals.

The days are long and the years are short.  It feels like I was just writing this annual letter for 2017! Jim has been a resident of heaven for over 8 years now and has been joined by more than a few family members and friends this year.  Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning! My to-do-list is growing as is the stack of books on my nightstand as I now navigate life with a really empty nest.

It is my privilege to count you as one of “my people” and I am grateful you are in my life! May God bless you in 2019.

With Joyful Hope, Miriam Mohler

Gratitude 2018

Day 1 Nov. 1 – Every year I challenge myself with the discipline of thanksgiving and gratitude. So here I go:
The Bread of Life thanked God for food. (Mt. 15:36, 37) I too am grateful for enough food to eat everyday.

Day 2 Nov. 2 Jesus gave thanks for a God who listens. I too am grateful for that God hears every cry of my heart. John 11:39

Day 3 Nov 3 Jesus thanked God when facing the cross (Luke 22:19,20). Thank you Lord for salvation because he faced the cross.

Day 4 Nov 4 – I’m thankful for friends (John 12:13ff) as Jesus was! And that He calls me friend.

Day 5 Nov. 5 – I’m thankful for the future (John 10:10) and the hope of glory (Col 1:20)

Day 6 Nov. 6 I am grateful for true freedom! (John 3:32, 36)

Day 7 Nov. 7 Today I am grateful for forgiveness, like David.

Day 8 Nov. 8 Like every woman Jesus encountered. I am grateful for equality!


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Day 9 Nov. 9 – Like Paul, I’m thankful for the abundance of material blessings (Phil. 4:19)

Day 10 Nov.10 – Like the Israelites, I’m grateful for the power and joy of shared memories.

Day 11 Nov 11 – I am grateful for all who have bravely defended this country – so much more than imaginable. I am trying to live worthy of your sacrifice. Thank you!

Day 12 Nov 12 – Life is not meant to be lived alone or for self. I am grateful for those who make my life better including doctors, first responders, firemen and police officers, and other public servants. I am humbled that I matter to you.

day 13 Nov 13 – I am grateful for clean water and for the Living Well that never runs dry

Day 14 Nov. 14 – I am grateful for laughter. It is an instant vacation, a splash of confetti, an effective weapon, an internal jog, a restorative act and the best part of everyday!

Day 15 Nov. 15 – I’m grateful for gifts, both material and immaterial. It is a blessing to give them and it is a glad surprise to receive one; I am so blessed that someone thought of me and that I matter to them.

Day 16 Nov. 16 – LIke Ruth, Today I am thankful for the reminder of faithful love and commitment in marriage made so many years ago as I witnessed the wedding of Stephen and Stephanie today.

Day 17 Nov.17 – Like the leper who returned I am challenged to be thankful as a way of life. (Luke 17)

Day 18 Nov. 18 – I am grateful to witness the public expression of faith through baptism tonight.

Day 19 Nov. 19 – Like Moses, I want to worship gratefully (Ex. 15). “because a thankful heart is a happy heart. I’m glad for what I have. It’s an easy way to start!”

Day 20 Nov. 20 – I am grateful that there is always something to be thankful for.

Day 21 Nov 21 – I am thankful for perspective. Gratitude changes perspective. But feeling grateful and being grateful are two different things. While we cannot will ourselves to feel thankful, we can choose how to look at the world. Being grateful is a choice, an overarching attitude that endures and is immune to the gains and losses in our lives. Gratitude provides a perspective that helps us see life in its entirety and not be undone by temporary situations.

Day 22 Nov. 22 May I be like the man with the Legion, he couldn’t stop telling all that God had done for him (Mark 5)!

Day 23 Nov 23 Like Mary, I am grateful that God chose me to carry the Christ (Luke 2) everyday.

Day 24 Nov. 24 Isn’t life an amazing thing?!

Day 25 nov. 25 I am thankful for today

Day 26 Nov. 26 I am grateful for my children who continue to startle me with their kindness, their hope and their humor.

Day 27 Nov. 27 I am thankful for my family. My siblings. My cousins. my aunts and uncles. my grandparents. What an awesome thing to belong to people.

Day 28 Nov. 28 I am thankful that God loves me in spite of me.

Day 29 Nov. 29 I am thankful for my parents on this, their 61st wedding anniversary. I am blessed to be part of the family they created.

Day 30 Nov. 30 I am grateful that being thankful is a way of life and not just an exercise. May it be so.


It depends on how you look at it

Today I am thinking about perspective. Perhaps it is because of all the tragedy around me, around the world. Perhaps it is because I have stuff, relationships and a job. Perhaps it is because I am so tired of the consumer mentality in my own life. And perhaps it is because as I get older I have a very different outlook than I had before.

This week many Americans will gather around a table with an abundance of food, family and material stuff. They will be thankful that they are not homeless, or that they are not starving. They may even be thankful for enough money and time off to consume more material things on Black Friday. They will be grateful to live in a free country and that they are not marginalized refugees at the border. They will be grateful for the homes that did not burn down, the people and animals that escaped the inferno and the terrorists that were thwarted. And they should!

While Christians do not have the corner on the market of thankfulness, and many even focus on what they lack, there is something that makes thanksgiving for the believer different than anyone else on the planet. The distinction is in the fact that Christians (and others who believe in God) have Someone to thank! The essence of thanksgiving for me is gratitude to a God who loves and cares for individuals.

There is so much to be thankful for, but it often doesn’t feel like it with so much sorrow and grief going on around us. How do you tell someone to go in peace without being the hands and feet of Jesus and caring for their needs? How can someone really believe that God is for them when their house burns down or their friends are murdered in a public place? I think it is the circumstances of our lives that make it so difficult to maintain an attitude of gratitude.

Like all of us, I have many blessings and I have heartache too. One thing I have realized in the last few years is that I am capable of changing my perspective. Instead of thinking about what I don’t have, I am learning to count my blessings. I am waking up and consciously asking God, “What do you have for me today?” Rather than saying ”there but for the grace of God go I” (which is a terrible thing to say anyway), I am saying, “because of God’s grace I go”.  Additionally, I repeat the corollaries, sometimes aloud like a mantra: “I get to drive home because I have a home to go to and a car to get me there”. “I get to pay bills because I have heat, light, a roof, food, clothes, etc.” I get to go to work.” Do you hear the subtle difference? “I get to…” instead of “I have to…” Burdens or opportunities. The reality is that there is more than one way to look at things and I can control my mindset, even if I cannot control my circumstances. There is always something to be thankful for. NO.MATTER.WHAT.

It is too easy to slip back into an ungrateful perspective. Once ingratitude takes root, it gains momentum every time I compare, every time I turn my focus from contentment to what I don’t have, what I cannot do, how I look or what others think. Thankfulness is the only hope for happiness. Joy is found in a grateful heart. And the ultimate, meaning behind every expression of gratitude is found in a relationship with a Person who has a plan and gives meaning to life. When I am thankful to God and see everything as an instance of God’s goodness, it changes my perspective. It creates a sense of eternal purpose. It increases my faith. It builds contentment. While the events of the day are often overwhelming and a troubling moment can alter everything, remembering that God’s lovingkindness is new every morning and that He never ceases to work toward His purposes are blessings that build assurance, hope and faith. Knowing that God will never leave or forsake me, that He will fulfill His purpose in me, and that He loves me unconditionally is the perspective I long for.

Perspective doesn’t make things easier, but, for me, it makes things bearable. Gratitude does not come naturally in a crisis. It is easier to feel grateful for the good things. No one feels grateful when they lose a job, a life partner, a house, health. But feeling grateful and being grateful are two different things. While we cannot will ourselves to feel thankful, we can choose how to look at the world. Being grateful is a choice, an overarching attitude that endures and is immune to the gains and losses in our lives. Gratitude provides a perspective that helps us see life in its entirety and not be undone by temporary situations.

The Heaven Reflection

A Jimbo Reflection (a birthday reword of The Rainbow Connection with gratitude to Kermit)

Why are there so many thoughts about heaven
And what everyone’s doing today?
Jim’s so happy, singing and playing
Heaven’s so hard to convey
This life is short; the next is forever
I know it’s real – wait and see
Someday we’ll praise Him and worship together
My honey, my family, and me

God said that each prayer would be heard and answered
When prayed to the Morning Star
Think of a place with no more cancer
I really look forward and far
Watching and hoping with anticipation
Jim’s on the porch with my tea
Someday we’ll have it, the last resurrection
My honey, my family, and me

All of us under his mercy
We know that it’s his deep grace

Have you been loved forgiven and cherished?
I’ve heard God calling my name
In His sweet arms He carried Jim Mohler
Others He’s carried the same
Home and to rest safely they’ve made it
It’s somewhere that I’m going to be
Someday we’ll be there, all in the throne room
My honey, my family, and me

La-da-da, de-da-da-do


A Good Pun is its own reword

Happy 63rd Birthday to my Jim!  In honor of my funny honey, I have dubbed today “Corny Joke Day”; since he would have been 63 I have quite a list of groaners!

  1. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Then it would be a foot!
  2. What do you call 2 crows? Attempted Murder.
  3. Why did grandpa laugh at grandma’s curio cabinet?  He loves knick-knack jokes.
  4. The number 13?! Not on my watch.
  5. Why was the vulture not allowed to bring 2 dead raccoons on the plane? Only one carrion allowed!
  6. Why did the Algebra teacher ban rubberbands? Because they were weapons of math disruption
  7. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
  8. Why should you avoid buying anything with velcro?  It’s a total rip off
  9. The rotation of earth really makes my day.
  10. What’s brown and sticky? A stick
  11. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? Irrelephant
  12. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinocerous? Hellafino
  13.  Is the pool safe for diving? It deep ends
  14. Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
  15. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match
  16. Why did the invisible man turn down the job? He just couldn’t see himself doing it
  17. What is 4 letters, sometimes is 9 letters but never is 5 letters
  18.  Dry erase boards are remarkable
  19.  Did you hear the song about the tortilla? It’s actually more of a wrap
  20. Learn sign language – it’s very handy
  21. Did you hear the pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s pretty cheesy!
  22. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool
  23.  What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know but the flag is a big plus.
  24. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out!
  25. What do you call a big pile of kittens? A Meowtain
  26.  A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
  27. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
  28.  Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
  29. When my flashlight went dead I was delighted
  30. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion
  31. Dreaming in color is a pigment of your imagination
  32. The shovel was a ground breaking invention
  33. Can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire
  34. Most people play soccer just for kicks!
  35. Is pushing my luck considered exercise?
  36. Sometimes I wake up crabby and sometimes I let her sleep
  37. If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic
  38. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. If there’s not, then it is not a tunnel
  39. Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck
  40. Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
  41. The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese
  42. I want to go to IKEA and hide in a wardrobe, wait for someone to open it and shout, “Welcome to Narnia!”
  43. No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary
  44. People who jump off bridges in Paris are in Seine
  45. Writing with a broken pencil is pointless
  46. I was given batteries free of charge
  47. A will is a dead giveaway
  48. Why did the alligator wear a vest? It was in invest- a- gator
  49. Can February march? No but April may
  50. What did Tennesee? The same thing that Arkansas
  51. What did Delaware? Idaho…her New Jersey?
  52. Did you hear the rumor about butter? I’m not going to spread it
  53. The guy who made lifesavers made a mint
  54. A person who tells dad jokes and does not have kids is a faux pas
  55.  I know some jokes about retired people but none of them work
  56. If you see a robbery at the Apple store, are you an I-Witness?
  57. There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand Binary and those who don’t\
  58.  Bad puns are how eye roll
  59.  Where was Solomon’s Temple located? On the side of his head
  60.  A missionary’s favorite car is a convertible
  61.  Why did Noah punish the chickens on the ark? They were using fowl language
  62. Who is the shortest man in the Bible? Not Zacchaeus. Not Knee-highamiah Not Bildad the Shoe height. Peter was able to sleep on his watch.
  63. My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”

And a few extra:

  • When you’re down by the sea and an eel bites your knee that’s a moray
  • If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why
  • I tried to grab the fog but I mist
  • Irony – the opposite of wrinkly
  • Crushing Pop cans is soda pressing
  • I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why
  • Despite the high cost of living it remains popular
  • My mood ring is missing and I am not sure how I feel about that
  • Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners but catscan
  • Mountains are just funny, they’re hill areas

I cannot remember your laugh!

Dear Jim,

I never thought it would happen, but 8 years after you went to heaven I cannot remember what your laugh sounds like. I cannot remember other things about you but nothing bothers me as much as not remembering the sound of your joyful silliness – one of my favorite things about you.

I can still remember so many details of our life together and I treasure those memories. I guess when you died I really lost my mind – not in the ways one normally thinks but so many parts went missing.  I stopped keeping a calendar and became much more disorganized. I stopped hearing music. I could not concentrate to read a book. My memory felt like I was suffering from “chemo brain” or a trauma induced dementia. Routines faded and self care stopped completely. My mind and life just sort of stopped functioning. It was easier to ignore the weirdness of grief because I was so focused on helping our kids find their way through the fog. But now that I cannot remember your laugh, I think that my mental circuits misfired to make sense of something that can never make sense.

Grief is so consumptive and has impacted every part of my life: social, mental, physical, emotional. Since you taught me that spiritual is our whole being, I won’t include that as a separate category.  Any way you look at it, grief has overtaken all of my life Not in a bad way, it just has.

I am realizing now that much of my grief has been intellectual. I have read lots of books and articles. I have contemplated the ups and downs and the “stages” or directions of how to move through grief and “get over it”. And yet that is not how grief works!  In my studies I have learned that grief is stressful and varied, that there is no right way to grieve. And it is a process that takes time.

Grief has also been personal and has become my relational companion. It has been said that time heals wounds.  I never really believed that before but memories do fade over time. Some of my grief has also been an emotional roller coaster. In grief terms, your death is what short-circuited my life as it separated me from my sense of self or identity, my competence and any concept of the future.  As time has passed, the initial crowding and suffocating reaction of grief has settled down and found a place in my life.  Since attachment gives life security and meaning, when whatever is attached is severed by death, (in this case = YOU), grief is the response.  CS Lewis says in A Grief Observed, bereavement is an essential part of love. It is one of the phases that integrates loss into reality.

I also am convinced, more than ever, that grief created a problem of narrative for me. A story needs a narrator with a point of view, a perspective on the world as they experience it. I had a hard time narrating the story moving forward because I became unsure of who I am without you. For one thing, I never was single as an adult so has been difficult imagining a new story, a new plot for myself apart from us.  I miss us and I have learned that life is a multi-volume story. Of course, the sequel is never as good as the original!

Most of the time these days I am doing better at life without you.  I don’t like it, but I have figured out my way forward.  I still think of you every day. The kids and I try to keep you alive in our hearts. But losing the memory of you laughing is something I  never imagined would happen. It makes me sad. More that that, it sort of increased my anxiety as I worry about forgetting even more. I never want to lose the memory of you, Jim.

I am grateful for all the years of laughter, of meaning and story that you created around you.  Thank you for writing your love into my narrative and for the chapters we wrote together. Now 8 years of story have been written and you are still in it, but not as before. So, I cannot wait until that day when I get to hear your laugh again and until then I will keep straining to hear it again in my mind.

I love you forever.  143. 831 <+><


Romans Eight Twenty Eight

Last night was my Bible Study group and we were studying this great chapter 8 of the book of Romans.  One of my friends asked me the question about how I interpret the verse that God works all things together for good in light of the death of Jim.  I gave a brief off-the-cuff answer but thought about the verse all the way home and late into the night.

My answer was that I have questioned God about taking Jim from this life so early but that I believe the promise of the verse with all my heart; “And I know that all things…” Like Joseph, I really believe that what was meant for evil, God makes it good.  Our present sufferings cannot be compared to God’s glory

Here is a longer answer (although not complete either!)

First: Paul uses the phrase “those who LOVE God”.  Isn’t that interesting?!  He is talking about people who love, rather than those who trust, follow or believe, God. The Holy Spirit delivers us from hostility to God in verse 7 and replaces it with the opposite, which is love.  We cry Daddy and we want to please Him because we love him! God works it all together for good for those who know and love him, who are called according to his purpose and are predestined as daughters and sons! I love because He first loved me!

Second: What is good?  It clearly means something besides prosperity, health, comfort or “happily-ever-after”.  When Paul refers to all things, he means all, whether or not it is painful, happy, positive or negative (every groaning) are for His glory and my best interest.  His goal for me is holiness and that I am conformed to the image of His son! Eph.1 says that God works all things according to the counsel of His will is for our good! Not only that,  it could be argued that God is good!  It is one of his attributes so when he works all things together it is for his glory alone!

Next: Salt flavors food and contributes to health and life but the sodium and chloride that make up salt are both poisonous chemicals. The chemistry of the cross means that God takes things that are in and of themselves bad and mixes them to make something that is healing!

Ultimately, my greatest good is being swept up into God as I am conformed into the image of His Son!  Joni E. Tada says, “He allows what He hates to accomplish what He loves”. God is able to redeem and restore all of my life for His glory because I love Him, even the bad stuff! He is that powerful to give me victory over my circumstances! People will always try to reconcile God’s sovereignty with humanity’s suffering but this verse is a reminder that no suffering is wasted and I can rest in the fact that God is in control.

Hank Plow

Jim has several cousins on both sides of his family, but some on his mom’s side were also friends!

Richard Howard lived in Scottsdale, walking distance to us when we lived there. He grew up in Arizona, so his parents and brother were also nearby.  When we moved to the state, he was very excited.  In the ten years that followed our families became close and for the first time I saw people related to Jim that shared his humor, his creativity, and his musical abilities! It was our privilege to share life, holidays, birth of our kids and faith and church.

There are few people who are as talented and creative as Rich Howard.  He was the quintessential entertainer and his personality was captivating and charismatic.  I loved living near the Howards.  Even after we moved away, the relationship continued.  When Jim got sick, Rich came to spend time with him. He even did a magic trick at Jim’s celebration of life.

On Tuesday, Oct. 9th, Rich passed away, leaving a tsunami of grief for all those who knew and loved him.  He was outwardly funny, kind, thoughtful, and full of love and joy.  He was definitely an original. He cherished life, loved nature, and was proud of his kids!  I will miss him everyday until we meet again in heaven.  (I am sure Jim was excited to greet him!)


Earl Degrafft

One of the amazing and greatest blessings of living across the street from Downey First Baptist was the family that moved into the house in front of ours.  Earl and Connie Degrafft, who went to church with us, who were almost empty nesters (Susan was in high school, but the older 4 were grown), who very quickly became our family. We shared a yard and a washer, but we shared more than that.  We shared meals.  We played games. We shared laughter and music and even our cat! We learned so much; it was really lopsided to receive so much more than we ever gave. In a word we became family! My kids know them as Grandpa and grandma De!

Last Saturday I got the word that Earl’s health was failing.  I drove down to visit my heroic friend and pray with him. He went home to heaven Tuesday morning. There are so many things I can say about this man but I am so overwhelmed with grief and gratitude that I barely know where to begin.

Thank you Lord for the gift of Earl (and Connie) Degrafft. Thank you for the impact on my life, my marriage and ministry.  Please comfort Connie and give her peace as she enters this dark valley of grief. Grant her sleep and hope for the rest of her journey home. Amen.

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