Roots and Wings

I have been thinking about so many things related to this big change that is about to take place.  It is so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I need to find a place to move our little family all by myself.  It will be okay, I know, but it feels rather daunting on many levels. One of the main reasons is that this will be the first place we live that Jim has not lived with us. We are leaving the comfort of a space that has memories and fingerprints of our life with Jim. I am not scared. I am sentimental. I am grieving additional losses.

Both my kids are adults and are working their way out of the nest; I am not ready to launch them whether or not they feel ready to fly.  I know that my kids, especially Clayton, cannot sense the emotional umbilical cord that keeps me wanting to be their support system. I wonder if it would have been as difficult to release my kids if their dad was still alive. They are all grown up which I knew was coming and yet there are so many things I want to show them, so many blessings I want to give, so much I want to do for them, so many conversations I wish we could have. As they move farther away into the future, shrinking from my view, I am reminded that time does not wait for moms to feel ready. My kids are taking off on schedule. And I am left to ponder how other parents let go so well. The pangs of letting go will eventually subside and there is no turning back.

I am reminded that it is in the unnatural act of surrender that one keeps the most. Surrender is what Jesus was commanding when he said, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:25). It sounds scary, but surrender and complete obedience to God is what’s required of us to clean out uncertainty.

Where do you want us to go, Lord? Where do you have for us to minister? Show me the way and help me to be willing to trust and to go. I surrender all…..