When and While

When this pandemic is over, then …

When my kids are raised, then….

When I finish, then …

When I retire, then …

Why do I live this way?

I know better than that. I know in my head and my heart that everyone is as happy as they choose to be. Everyone makes time and accomplishes what they want to . While I move in the present I glimpse the when – Lord help me while I am waiting for when.

While is a much better word.

When will I change my vocabulary?… While I am living. While I am struggling. While I am waiting. While I am lonely. While I am eating, sleeping, driving,,, While I am in this place I am rejoicing. I make the most of every opportunity I am going to get to the future the way I want the future to be – while I am getting to the when I am!

I wish I could have a conversation with GOD. A real one -face-to-face. It is not my place to question Him. I do not know best; in fact I know NOTHING. But while I am stuck here, I would love to know when: When He is coming. When He is going to fix it. When He is going to “lose patience” and get angry enough to stop the madness. When? Hopefully while I am waiting with hope without giving up.