Stepping into the Gain
“For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Phil. 1:21
It has been 14 years since my Jim stepped into the Gain. It has been only 5100+ days but it feels like an eternity. It is interesting that it is eternity for Jim! God placed eternity in each of our hearts (Eccl. 3) and while I look forward to reunions and the long hello of heaven, I think far too little about forever. In fact, I do make plans and think about the short term future, but mostly I do NOT think ahead. In the “instant gratification – NOW” culture of America it is clear that it is not just me! Not many people think long term, big picture, long-game type thinking. This is obvious by looking at debt. It is obvious when people are asked to wait in a line or for more than 24 hours for their Amazon package to arrive. And yet even though the darkness of grief makes forever seem far away it really isn’t! In a twinkling of an eye it will be here!
Jim went from the shadowlands to the land of eternal sonshine. Leaving earth , he moved to the land of the living. And all that is left here, like the after effects of baked bread or fresh cookies, is the faint aroma of a life lived well. Jim is the ghost in my life. The ghost of the memory of someone I loved – MY someone. And I like to be haunted by this ghost – this memory – as it keeps him around. Often I am asked why I keep so much stuff, but most of the things I keep trigger memories of events and conversations which creates an appearance of my ghost. It is the little ordinary things – his books and music and puppets and magic tricks – that each are reminders of a much happier memory of Jim than the last memory of him lying on his hospice bed, wincing in pain and breathing laboriously.
“I am lonesome for all the conversations we never had” John Donahue.
But while I miss such talks here, I am counting on the uninterrupted visits in the life to come! Because of stored treasure in heaven, because I live in light of eternity, and because I know who holds the future I can wait, even impatiently, this side of the veil. Believe that Jesus’ teachings only make sense with an eternal long term perspective!
I cannot remember Jim’s last words but I know the song of his heart which was to love God and his family fiercely, as well as to make the reality that Jesus defined his own life purpose. I often cannot remember his laugh but I know he did laugh long and often. I know it is something I will hear again. I think what “time heals” is actually an issue of loss of the details and the immediate. For me, it has been a good thing to learn to play the long game!
I still think of my Jim every day. I think that is because part of me went away when he left for heaven. But I hope in God’s promise that the best is yet to come and that best will never die!
But until then, to live is Christ.
Lasting memories of a great man! I love you Mirm. Virgie.
God bless you, my ol’ college chum….