Walking Backward

“History doesn’t repeat itself but sometimes it rhymes.” – Mark Twain

Sometimes I feel nostalgic. I look at old photos. I watch reruns & classic movies for the umpteenth time. I collect treasures and leave it out to remind me of people and places I once knew, I revisit places in my mind or in reality. I call friends to remember when…

In this weird season when everyone seems to be redesigning their lives and writing new chapters, causing lots of goodbyes and memory dumps, I think back over the years I made similar changes. I hate goodbyes. And I long for the day of the long hello. The one person I walk down memory lane most often with is Jim, which makes sense. What I wouldn’t give to walk hand in hand all the way to the end of this life’s journey (which he was able to do with me)!

One thing about walking backward is that it can become a toxic walk. I could focus on all the regrets, the mistakes and brokenness. I could long for the past like it is better than what God is currently up to in this world and my life, making it more than it was, even idolizing it in the worst way. But I would rather focus on the people and things in the past as learning tools, stepping stones and well-worn paths that are comfortable and known. I want to trip over grace. His amazing grace.

I am overwhelmed by it. It is there since before I was born. It colors every rock, pebble, cliff and valley on this journey of life. Grace is inexhaustible. It is visible whether or not we see it. It is there even when we don’t acknowledge it. May I see it and be grateful for it, even and especially when I don’t understand it.