A Bakers Dozen.

13 years ago Jim went to heaven where time is different than here – there is no morning and evening. There is no night. There is only joy and light and Jesus!

But on this side of the veil there are days which turn into weeks, months and years. There is waiting and remembering and grieving and more. While I always will wish I had one day more I am grateful for the 12,122 +/- days that I knew Jim.

For everyone that knew him – for however long they did, they were blessed, He is the best thing that happened to me. (And together with the Lord we created the other best things in my life – Emily & Clayton). He was the best friend, encourager, son, brother, nephew, cousin, husband, dad, minister, teacher and was full of magic, music, laughter and play. I am so grateful to a good God who created him!

I am sure somewhere on this blog I have used the analogy for grief of a backpack. Often I am asked if “it” (aka grief) ever gets easier. It certainly doesn’t get harder; nothing is as hard as the day I said goodbye to my life partner. The word picture I use is one of a backpack filled with things that weigh it down – heavy burdens or stuff that collectively loads the pack. Some days it is overwhelming and I want to take off the load because it is unbearably heavy but some days it has so molded to my back that I don’t even remember I am carrying it. And most of the time I know its there and I can adjust its weight as I keep carrying it through life.  

There is a grace in the carrying of grief. Perhaps more grace than I notice. The gift of sorrow that the pack carries is a daily reminder that God is present. He is near to the brokenhearted and He is the best source of comfort. Further, may I constantly remember that it is sorrow for our brokenness that led Jesus to lay down His life for us. Finally, I am so glad I am alive in the era of photography. While I have no new photos of Jim I do have pictures! They are precious “captures in time” that remind me of the reality of his amazing and beautiful presence in the world and my life.