The Last Goodbye
When Jim was on hospice several family and friends made their way to our home to spend a last time with him. The “blessing” of cancer (which is tough to call it that), or lingering illness rather than something more immediate and sudden is that there is a small window to put one’s affairs in order and say goodbye. Actually the reality is that cancer only reminds us to make the most of every moment. No one has any more time to live, whether it is sudden or not (except Hezekiah who asked for it and God said yes). Knowing your end date is sooner than you had hoped changes how you spend the time. God calls us all to live in light of eternity. Jesus’ challenge to us is to give this life away for the sake of the next one, to spend it all for the Kingdom only to be repaid beyond all we can imagine. Moses said, “teach us to number our days SO that we might gain a heart of wisdom.” (Ps. 90:12)
When my students left my classes at Trinity, I gave them a blessing which they were to receive with their eyes open. The gift of words prayed over someone are no small thing. Words have power and we often remember the last thing said. Last words can be memorable and reveal a lot about the one who says them. Last words are often remembered best especially if they accurately reflect the person who said them.
Words can create a meaning that lasts long beyond a meeting, a time together or even a life. Words can leave a legacy that informs others of more than just the words themselves; they reveal the heart of the one who said them. Words can summarize a life and how it was lived.
I think of the last words of people in the Bible. Joshua said: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”. Jesus said seven last words from the cross, including: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”.
14 years ago, my kids said goodbye to their dad. 2 years ago, I said “see y’all later” to my dad. I do not remember my dad’s exact last words, but every time I left the house after a visit, I told him I loved him, and he responded that he loved me too. When my kids left anywhere the mantra was “Go with God” and the response was “Because God always goes with me.” When the oncologist told Jim it was time to go on hospice, I asked him what he understood and felt about that.
“Sometimes you’ve got to do what you don’t want to do”, was his response.
“As much as I long for heaven, I do not want to leave you and the kids. But when I go, you can be sure I’ll be waiting for you on the porch with a cup of tea. Don’t you want to know what kind of tea?”
“What kind?” I asked, confused as to how he knew what type of tea might be stocked in the afterlife.
“Eterni-tea!” Jim quipped back with his typical wit.
Those are not his last words, but they were close, as he went home to heaven 2 weeks later.
I don’t think that last words should be planned out and I would suggest that people should actually plan everyday as though it was their last – the words said, and the things done should reflect a life they want remembered. Words of grace and forgiveness, words sharing wisdom, blessing others and expressing joyful humor need to be part of everyday life to characterize a legacy. I cannot remember Jim’s very last words, but his life left a legacy that reflected his heart and his character.
What are the words or the things for which I want , to be remembered? It gives pause to be careful of the things I say and the things I do and to make sure that the words match the life I live and vice versa.
What I want said about me means it needs to be true of me!
I want to be known as silly, smart, funny, kind, creative, godly, fiercely loyal, cheerful, resilient, accepting, honest and hopeful.