Tribute to TJC

“Always find a reason to laugh – Or not – just laugh.”  – Tibby Cornelius

I am grateful for the things that create joy and happiness, even on dark days. There is something life altering in a laugh, a smile or a kind recognition. They say that love is what makes the world go round and I would add that the outward expressions of one who loves is joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and goodness. Humor is a universal language that has the power to bring people together, creating a sense of community and connection. The accompanying sound effects of laughter yield much mentally, physically and emotionally. I am grateful for laughter. It is an instant vacation, a splash of confetti, an effective weapon, an internal jog, a restorative act and the best part of everyday! We know laughter strengthens the immune system as much as a vaccination does, lowers the blood pressure as it relaxes blood vessels, and increases oxygen availability and breath. It also helps regulate diabetes and is effective like an exercise. Like this, laughter is the easiest way to take care of the family’s health from little children to elderly people. A sense of humor is the true sixth sense. We don’t laugh because we’re happy, but we’re happy because we laugh. These are some of the truths taught by the 2 CEO’s of Jest in Time (Tibby and me)!

I could go on and on about blessings of a life- well- laughed; One person who laughed well and often is Tibby Cornelius. This week, after a long goodbye, Tibby finally laughed with the joyful air of heaven as she was welcomed home. Tibby is just about the most fun adult I have known. There are several others I could put in line for that same honor including my spouse, but most everyone would likely admit that Tibby is on a totally different playing field than most of the rest of the world.

In 1986, Jim and I had an undeniable call (that is a story for another day) to full time ministry, as a team, to Scottsdale 1^st Baptist Church. Shortly after we arrived, as we were getting acquainted with our new church home and the students we were honored to love and serve, a woman from a different church made an appointment to come to the office with her oldest son to interview me, the new Junior High Pastor. It should have seemed odd, but back in the day it was already unusual for a Baptist church to hire a woman to pastor anyone besides women and kids. I was prepared for any manner of questions and even planned on the possibility that I would need to be on the defense. In walked Tibby and Brent Cornelius, with a list of questions and a hope that this church would become their new church home. They were excited about a woman in ministry (her sister was a pastor too), but wanted to make sure they agreed with my philosophy of ministry, etc. At the time, I had no idea how amazing and special and fun my friendship with Tibby would become; I am certainly glad and humbled that our lives intersected.

After the interview, the rest, as the proverbial “they” say, is history. Brent went on to bring his friends and his brothers. He served in student ministry leadership, went on mission trips and married the pastor’s firstborn daughter. But this post isn’t about Brent. This is a reminisce of one of the most fun and vibrant women I have been privileged to know – Tibby!

In addition to bringing her stellar boys to the church, Tibby quickly became a ministry partner and friend. She opened her home, built a pool with youth group activities in mind, and encouraged shenanigans as much as she pushed for solid Bible teaching. Within a year, the Cornelius family was established in the life of the church. Tibby & Dennis were investing time and resources generously for the ministry. A gifted teacher, Tibby was teaching regularly. A talented singer, she was using her voice in worship. A committed parent, she and Dennis were offering their home and vehicle for ministry events. They even built a pool with ministry activities in mind. Intelligent and godly, the Cornelius clan added a level of depth and character (yes – they are characters!) to the life of the church.

It was 1988 when Tibby’s dad died that an idea was born. After the funeral, I was with her as she looked through the guest book to see who had attended. Together, we decided that some other people must have forgotten to register, or even show up, so we added them to the roster including Ronald Reagan, Mickey Mouse and Barry Goldwater. This was the real beginning of a relationship that would shape and define my life as well as inform and affirm my belief in a God who is fun. By the way, it is ironic that it was at a funeral, as I now reflect on our history at the end of her life, and I wonder who I should add to Tibby’s guest book!

We took a class being offered at SCC called Laughter, Humor and Play and at the end of the course we determined that the research offered was shallow and that we could take what we had learned, add to it and process it even further to create a whole theological perspective to the secular realities we were uncovering. This is when Jest in Time was born. We researched and attended international conferences and worked to develop our own theology of laughter and play. We formed an LLC and hired an accountant, joined the local chambers of Commerce, and found a person to create a promo video, brochure and business cards. We gathered resources, developed classes and designed play shops. But mostly we brought out the humor in each other and hopefully gained some converts to a lifestyle of fun along the way. We researched the subject, defined vocabulary, studied scripture for a theological basis and laughed endlessly. We were not a comedy act, but we were funny and creative in our delivery. Our mission was to help people learn how to invite more laughter and play in their lives, in their families, in their workplace, and to their faith. We aimed at reflecting on the strong conviction that God is a God of joy and that when we invite laughter and play into our lives, we reflect His image and design for us. That reality has continued to impact my own life, relationships and ministry.

What can I say about my friend Tibby?

Tibby loved God. This primary reality shaped her life and defined her joyful and kind nature. Tibby was a winsome way of knowing Jesus. Gal.5:6 is what she exemplified – “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” She was generous and her example of generosity was lived out every day. She was quick to put others first, offer words of support and encouragement, actively listen and throwing a great party. She honored the Lord with a happy heart.

Tibby was smart. She was well read and a life-long learner. Whether studying for teaching or just to learn all she could about a subject, Tibby would work hard to stay current and thorough. She asked good questions and made learning fun.

Tibby was fun. She laughed the unquenchable laugh of grace. Tibby’s humor profile included self-deprecating humor, toys and props, and playful stories.

• Tibby was the queen of party planning and hospitality. Her favorite hobby was celebrating others, party planning and giving generously.
• She perfected the art of looking serious while simultaneously stifling the giggles.
• Her superpower was the ability to make someone feel loved and seen; by merely mentioning her name you felt it.
• She didn’t leave a manual on how to live, but she did leave us with the ability to laugh through tears and the knowledge that nothing – absolutely nothing – can’t be fixed with a good cup of tea and an inappropriate joke.
• Technology was her favorite nemesis. She was almost as good at technology as her dogs.
• She was the mistress of telling jokes… and altering the punch line
• She was the self-proclaimed “CEO” and that the name JIT was her idea – She always wanted everyone to erroneously believe that she came up with the name of our company. We made a pact to always argue the point. (Creative Entertainment Officer)
• Tibby had a PhD in Planning Humor Daily. She looked for ways to make life fun and playful with intentionality. She was a Purposeful Humor Diva.
• She really believed that a day without laughter is a day wasted.
• She was the only person I knew who kept a rubber chicken in her briefcase.
• She was rarely speechless, but I remember the time that she was mistaken for my mother, and she could not come up with any sort of comeback.
• I’ll miss her unique ability to turn every disaster into a funny story, and her firm belief that practical jokes and toys were a legitimate problem-solving techniques.

Tibby was my friend. I cannot thank her enough for all the laughter and for being one of my biggest humor allies. Tibby wasn’t just my friend – she was my partner in crime, fellow humor missionary, and the co-creator of Jest in Time. Her laugh-acy was being able to laugh at herself and turn unexpected and embarrassing moments into meaningful life lessons. Tibby’s merry heart did good like a medicine. I feel that our friendship was truly an example of the verse in Proverbs (27:17) that says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”  I am grateful for the ways that she has, over the years, continued to sharpen me, challenge me, educate me, and humor me. I look forward to the long hello of heaven and the continual feast we will enjoy together (Prov. 15:15 says that a merry heart has a continual feast.)

The shortest verse in the Bible is “Jesus wept.” This was his response to the death of his friend Lazarus, who he delayed visiting and who was about to be raised from the dead by the one who cried! Grief is real, but I think Christ cried at the death of his friend, in part, because of how much they had laughed and played together. They were friends! The notion that Jesus was both the “man of sorrows”, and a joyful, playful being is a core theme in Christian theology, which holds that Jesus was fully human and fully divine. This duality reflects the paradox of his mission: enduring immense suffering for humanity’s redemption while possessing a deep, divine joy rooted in his relationship with God. This is the tension with grief as well as we hold sorrow and hope simultaneously. Tibby used to say that of all the things she had ever lost, she missed her mind the most. We missed that most too, when she was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. Always the optimist, she joked that it was a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yet, as she did as her regular practice, she made the best of a horrible diagnosis because she knew that this life is short and the next one isn’t. She played the long game, believing in a good God and holding on to the promise of restoration. And her mind is no longer lost! Of all the friends we ever lost, we miss our Tibby the most.