Giving our Best

When I was growing up, it was fairly common for the church to send used clothes and leftover items to missionaries in barrels. I actually am not sure if real barrels were used, but that is what they were called. I also remember the concept of the parsonage in which the pastor and his family were given a place to live sometimes even without their own furniture. Some church leaders and members felt entitled to interrupt or hold meetings there. Talk about living in a fishbowl! Both pastors and missionaries were often left without support, a home or insurance and retirement. Even though only one person was hired the whole family was exposed and expected to cooperate. Clergy worked essentially 24/7 – 365 and future planning, pensions and retirement options were not considered by those who hired them,  let alone included. I am so glad that things are not like that anymore. At least not to that level that I am aware of.

I grew up thankful that I got new things and I also grew more and more uncomfortable with giving my former “treasures” away, partly because they felt all used up and partly because it felt like emphasizing someone else’s poverty. We often sent, and sometimes without our independent consent, used toys and hand-me-down clothes to our cousins. Thinking that because we are giving we are being generous, but when we give used up stuff it is not a sacrifice nor is it our best; rather it seems like a reverse tithe. God called for first-fruits and the best of what we have(before we use the rest for ourselves) to be shared with the clergy of the day. I remember thinking it must be hard to live “out of style” as though wanting to be stylish is a high value! Ironically, now I do love to thrift and antique!

The similarity as a woman in ministry has from time to time felt what I imagine the feelings of pastor and missionary families experienced. It can feel like life is always on the sidelines, in the margins and with lots of leftovers. Churches who employ women in pastoral roles may feel they are doing a great thing to acknowledge women in ministry – and they are – but sometimes it comes across as merely noticing the sidelined or that there are people standing in the margins. When churches pay women less, when they say things are equal instead of fair, and when they don’t take care of the unique issues that women face then it is like those who give used up leftovers to missionaries. It is NOT a sacrifice. It is NOT fair. It is NOT giving our best.

Here is some of what I mean.

First: fair versus equal. (Equity and Equality) Fairness means treating people according to their needs. This does not always mean it will be equal. Equality means treating everyone exactly the same. On the surface, numerical equality is appealing. If everybody is given the same amount of a good, nobody receives less of that good, which is fair. However, this does not eliminate any inequality that exists prior to the distribution of the good. Although everyone has more than what they started with, the difference between those who started with more and those who started with less remains the same. To be fair rather than offering uniformity to both men and women in the ministry workplace does not level the inequities that were there. Making things equal is like giving a flat percentage pay raise. If a person makes $100,000 and gets a 3% raise then they now make $103,000. If a fellow employee does the same job with the same education and experience, but (as a woman) makes $50,000 with that 3% raise the raise is not the same as they now only make $51,500. Making life equitable is a whole different reality that is often intentionally overlooked in Christian circles. We still tend to err on the side of male authority and superiority and women’s submission and subordination. We don’t want to rock that boat or offend anyone (written with snark)!

Second, it is interesting that churches who hire women often think they are so progressive and yet they do not realize that their choice is not always as thoughtful and life giving as they think it is. There are tough choices that people in ministry make all the time but as a woman in ministry I think there are concessions that men often do not consider. I wish elders and those in leadership would notice the differences and ask better questions. Women do not have the same needs as men in culture. Wives do not have the same opportunities as husbands. Women are often considered for a ministry role IF there is not a man available or IF there is not enough money to pay a man. It is often assumed or at least it comes across as an assumption that women can be paid less because they have a spouse who is supporting their living expenses and bills, which would never be the case when hiring a male pastor. When a person is hired based on the best fit for the job and their gifts are affirmed everyone wins! Many of our ideas of roles are more cultural than biblical.

I once wore all kinds of hats at the same time – Woman. Minister. Wife. Mom. Teacher. Sister. Friend. Business owner. daughter. I now wear some of the same hats and some new ones, but that season of life was very busy, yet I never felt God calling me to shelve the call of God on my life to pursue full-time ministry. I was working on a PhD, parenting young kids, co-running my own business and working in youth ministry at a church. I still had a house to clean, meals to prepare, and friendships to pursue. I was also a full-time wife trying to encourage my husband to be all that God had called him to be. I had plenty of cheerleaders, first and foremost Jim, who all believed I could do it and do it well. My kids knew that they were always the priority for both of us. They watched us both honor and prioritize our marriage and our family and they grew up being included in ministry with us whenever possible. I also learned early on to develop a thicker skin rather than a harder heart.

What would it be like if we gave our best stuff to someone else instead of sharing our used up stuff? What would it be like if women were treated equitably rather than equally in ministry? What does it look like for me to give sacrificially and from the top rather than whatever is leftover? I want to always give my best. I want to do my best. And I want, at the end of my life, to know that I have nothing left to give because I used it all up for the King and His glory.

Imagine what it would be like to live in a world where everyone is treated the same no matter what. Is this a world you would want to live in? Why or why not?