The Next Steps

3 Weeks ago, my mom fell getting out of her recliner as her feet got tangled up. She fractured her pelvis and spent the next weeks in the hospital and rehab. She is now at home, and we have ordered a pendant with fall detection as well as other safety items for a senior. The struggle has been real with attitude, time, focus and subsequent care. Immediately, all my already stretched thin time and energy have been spent on advocating and caring for mom, communicating with friends and relatives, managing her recovery and more.

I think about the reality that has been successfully ignored until recently; Age happens to us all. My mom has never lived alone until 2 ½ years ago when my father died. I, on the other hand. have lived alone for nearly 10 years since launching my kids into adulthood. Living independently, while the goal for most, is very different than living alone. We are not meant to live alone. We are made for community. And yet, when it comes to caring for others, the widow and the elderly, we don’t want to give up our earned freedom to care for another person who has lost their independence to age or health related issues. Our culture is very youth focused and the older I get the more invisible I have become. Since Jim died I have learned ways to acknowledge him knowing that most people respond with discomfort if they don’t avoid the whole subject. I think it is just easier to live in the now and not think about the inevitable end of things. It seems morose to plan or even to talk about. And yet, it is th inevitable truth that no one wants to talk about let alone plan for! And yet Moses asks God to teach us to number our days, to pay attention, to remember that we need to live in light of forever.  Perhaps aging is a kind of gift; our bodies slow down, things fade, hair turns gray to remind us that this life is temporary. Maybe it is a gentle nudging from this life toward the one we were made for or even a kind remembrance that the best really is yet to come. It is God whispering that our real identity is hidden in Christ and he has prepared a future beyond anything we could ever imagine.

My mom always has made it clear that she doesn’t want to be a burden and at that she wants to go to assisted living when she cannot be at home. Now that she is alone she doesn’t want to be and also doesn’t want to live anywhere else. Sigh. When I was a kid my parents were the ones to create my safe home. They were up when I was, but they were always still awake when I fell asleep and were awake when I got out of bed in the morning. They drove me places and made sure I got safely home. This end stuff is so hard and I am not sure I like the role reversal. I do not know how to be the parent and make sure my mom gets safely all the way to heaven.