2 years

Dear Clayton and Amanda –

It is only 2 years in but it is already hard for me to remember the life before you were married! The work that you have put in and the relationship you continue to forge is a sweet thing to observe.

I would remind you that the marriage is best defined by the millions of little moments and the everyday things you do and don’t do that define a healthy relationship: The kiss good morning, the smile hello, the what-can-I-get-you-dear, the casual touch on the arm.  Or the lack thereof.  It’s the mundane, day-to-day moments that set the tone for the relationship. I think that big things are overrated because they create unrealistic expectations whrn too much emphasis is placed on them. I think about Louisa’s line in the Sound of Music when she asks if they (the VonTrapp kids) can go on a big outing everyday and Maria responds with a reminder that perhaps they would get tired of doing it everyday. It would lose its special nature. Similarly, while the big moments are important, what makes a marriage great is all the regular daily habits and opportunities to put one another first and thus making much of Jesus.

What you do everyday is what counts most. Keep doing it. And remember that sometimes the strangest things can be wonderful for your marriage. God has a wild imagination! When Clayton’s dad and I got married our mentor couple told us to never forget that we would not be the same people we married because as people grow and change so does the relationship. Things have to be constantly re-thought and re-engineered.  The important thing is to do it together.  A strong marriage is one in which the husband and wife say to each other, ‘I am highly committed to your growth as a person.’”

Inside our rings, it was engraved Forever a Team. That idea continued to morph over the years as we continued to define and refine what that meant. For example, when we moved to IL and you kids were little, it was the first time that we didn’t “work” together in the same place. So we both felt called to work in ministry and wanted to minister to our family too. When I went to work at the library and Christ Church your dad and I did some “tag-teamimg”.  I never foresaw the positive effect this would have on our relationship and our family. But I learned what it was like to come home from work to a waiting family.  And dad learned what it’s like to stay home with you kids and the importance of his nurturing as a hands on parent. It also deepened empathy for our roles as well as working to navigate the logistics of two working parents kept us attuned to the day-to-day flow of each others’ lives. It helped us to consciously care for and of each other.

Okay, enough of my ramble. I love you both and I continue to enjoy my front row seat as I pray for, cheer for and thank God for your marriage. Here’s to a happy 2nd anniversary!

Mom <+><