Stepping into the Gain
“For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Phil. 1:21 It has been 14 years since my Jim stepped into the Gain. It has been only 5100+ days but it feels like an eternity. It is interesting that it is eternity for Jim! God placed eternity in each of our hearts…
The Last Goodbye
When Jim was on hospice several family and friends made their way to our home to spend a last time with him. The “blessing” of cancer (which is tough to call it that), or any lingering illness rather than something more immediate and sudden, is that there is a small window to put one’s affairs…
Advances in Treatment
Not often, but once in awhile after seeing an ad on TV or hearing of another person with the dreaded disease, I wonder what would have happened if Jim had gotten GBM4 today versus 14 years ago. The majority of brain cancers are highly invasive and rarely spreads to other parts of the body beyond…
These Days
Today I woke up on the verge of tears. I had a good night’s sleep and did not have any dreams, good or bad, that I can remember. Then it dawned on me (literally and figuratively) – it is the season when my sorrow began! It surprises me how the body and the subconscious know…
44 years later
Today marks my wedding anniversary. 8.23.80. Forty -four years ago I said yes to a lifelong adventure with Jim. We were able to enjoy that adventure for over 30 years.. There has been so much life with loss but also so much joy. I marvel at the life God gave me and the story He…
Holding Hands #33
Holding hands is one thing I miss – A LOT! Holding hands seems like an ordinary thing to do but it is also a very intimate thing. 44 years ago tomorrow I gave my hand (and my heart) to Jim as we promised to have and to hold. Holding hands means so many things and…
The Dating pool
I was asked, again, if I ever considered dating and getting remarried. My answer hasn’t changed. I had a good marriage and I really never considered doing it again. But at the same time I miss companionship every day. Jim’s friendship. And even after 14 years without him the aloneness seems stronger every day instead…
A Bakers Dozen.
13 years ago Jim went to heaven where time is different than here – there is no morning and evening. There is no night. There is only joy and light and Jesus! But on this side of the veil there are days which turn into weeks, months and years. There is waiting and remembering and…
One Four Three means I love you! 8.23.23
143 was our favorite number! It means I love you! We used it as our code. We wrote it on every note and card to each other. We would squeeze our hands – one of us would squeeze once and the other would respond with four pumps and then the initiator would finish with three…
Grief is meant to be shared.
Really? It feels so lonesome and isolated and in many ways it is. It is a dark place that I don’t want to walk and even less do I want to drag anyone else there. And yet…. … I long for people to hear my stories, whether they are loss or gain. I need people…