Lost in the Dark hole again
Sometimes I still find myself in the selfish and sad place; this dark and disastrous hole of despair and grief that causes me to feel isolated, cynical and negative about everything. I guess it is time to decide to get out of the hole and climb out to reclaim the day, dramatically shifting my attitude and focusing my gaze on the One who made the day just for me!
Think about this with me:
When I recollect all the things I have, all the friends who love me, the family I call my own, the job and the life I have been blessed with, why do I still feel like it is not enough and I deserve more?! Why do I still feel like I got the short end of the stick in life? I do not want to live like I am entitled to anything and yet I am guilty of this almost daily! I have so much to be thankful for and I am, but I think that sometimes I forget that the physical act of naming those blessings and giving God credit for loving and showering me with more than my fair share is the primary way to accomplish this. I was given an incredible life and I was made to exude happiness and joy. I am to be a joyful expression and ambassador of the Savior; I can choose this day whom I will serve and I do that when I choose thankfulness and joy.
Woe is me for thinking that anything I have is a result of my own efforts and not express thanks to God for allowing me the privilege of living when, with who and how I live each day.
Woe is me for forgetfulness and for so much self- absorbed thought each day. Because I can be so consumed with the despair of my own life, I am blinded by the light of anyone else’s joyful accomplishments.
Woe is me for not rejoicing with those who rejoice and mourning with those who mourn, as though I corner the market on misery and my brand of suffering is a bigger deal than anyone else’s.
Woe is me for cursing and complaining under my breath, rather than praying for those who behave with entitlement (get the log out of my own eye) and tearing them down and blessing others NO MATTER WHAT.
Woe is me for repelling others by misrepresenting Jesus instead of living out a winsome faith that draws others to him and encourages faith.
So my first step toward that is when I stopped digging (the hole) and I said yes to being a table leader for the summer women’s study, Fight Back with Joy. I fully plan on not rushing to judgment, overanalyzing and critiquing everything about it. It starts next week. Pray for me as I let the sonshine back in.