7 Months is Forever!

June 5, 2011 2 By Mirm

Another month has gone by since my best friend and life partner went to heaven.  I don’t know when it will get easier.  maybe it won’t.  I miss him.  A lot.  Many have asked me why I don’t write more often.  Well, working full-time and managing solo is really hard and quite frankly I am exhausted.  I also still feel lost and I am not sure how to reinvent my identity yet.

I will try to describe this with a word picture.  Imagine that I am standing in a river and the winter snow is melting so it is cold and flowing pretty fast.  It feels like life is flowing right on by, since I have been standing still these last seven months while life moves on by.  Sometimes someone or something helpfully moves me along downstream buoying me with them for awhile, but then I regain footing and stop once again.  Sometimes the flow of the water itself pushes me forward a bit, but I am not sure I know how to get back into the flow with the rest of the world.  And of course sometimes I feel knocked down by the force of the river and it takes awhile to get righted again.

Continue to pray for us as we press on each day.  One thing that I have noticed is that, for better or worse, all the “firsts” without Jim we are managing by avoiding doing anything together!  It makes it less painful.  But, some things have to be tackled head on and Graduation, Relay for Life, and Father’s day are coming.  God is good and we continue to lean into His grace each moment.