What’s so magical about 65?

What is old age? When does it start? 90 years ago FDR decided it was to be 65.

The thing is that I think old age is just ahead of whatever age you are. I also think that it is somewhat an attitude or an outlook. I know some people in their 90’s and they act their age. I know others who are similar in age who, if I didn’t know it, I would say are quite a bit younger by comparison. 

I will say that some of my parts do not work as well as they used to and I do wish I had someone with whom to be active and who would hold me accountable as Jim used to do. Also I will say that having my kids later has kept me younger as it meant I ean with a younger crowd of parents. Teaching college does that too as does student ministry.

When I was younger, I really believed that you are only as old as you feel – that age is a state of mind. Probably some of that is true but age is really a thing, and the Bible honors it even if the world does not. The question is how do I want to grow old? I do not have control over the fact that I will age or how my body and mind will participate in the process, but as far as it depends on me, I want to grow old the same way that I have lived so far – living by faith and clinging to grace and hope. I want to live every day in light of forever. I think if I was asked about whether or not I would like to grow older I would of course want to because it is better than the alternative! I would add that the older I get the more important it is to not act my age. While I may not like the reality of being “old”, I do want to age well.

For me, getting older has been subtle. I think I first started noticing the agism in my 50’s, shortly after Jim died. I had primarily experienced the marginalization of gender for most of my working career, but the idea that I now have nothing to contribute because of my age began to materialize from colleagues, probably because they were mostly the age of my own kids. It is difficult to be ignored because I am of a different generation. I am sure I did the same thing to some degree but now I realize how hurtful it is. I wish I had asked more questions and been more curious to learn from those older than me.

I want to think positively about aging. I believe aging well usually includes a healthy sense of humor, a gentle kindness toward oneself and a generous perspective. With all the ads for anti-aging products and the negative treatment of older people in this country, perhaps my view has become skewed. I tend to think of time as an enemy rather than a symbol of wisdom and experience. There are so many negative stereotypes and while we know it is not acceptable to make fun of people with disabilities, many people think it is okay to make fun of people with some of the issues of mobility, hearing and other physical challenges if  the person is older. Additionally, we reserve certain adjectives for old people. We call a 40-year-old athletic, but we call a 65-year-old spry. We say a 70-year-old is alert, but a 45-year-old is intelligent. We call an older person stubborn or narrow minded with disdain for their opinions, while we allow the same negative behavior from athletes, actors and rap artists as thoughtful self-expression.

Recently I went to a funeral of one of my dad’s dear friends and I was greeted by a woman I have known and loved most of my life and her first words when she got out of the car with her walker was, “Did you know that I am 91 years old?!” She reminded me of kids on the playground who greet other kids with their age over their name. Maybe one day I will reach the point where I will start bragging about my age. In the meantime, I want to leave a legacy like several older women I know, including my Connie D., Colleen E., Nancy J., and more. I don’t want my kids to think that aging is about complaining, negativity (the things I can’t do) and selfishness (what I deserve or am entitled to). I want to keep learning, accomplishing things and growing in my relationship with God and others.

“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.”  –

George Bernard Shaw

I am startled to think about the fact that the famous painting of Whistler’s mother was painted when she was 65! I think 65 looks much different now than 150 years ago. “Old” is different today than it was 100 years ago when people only lived to be 50. I am ready to frame a new conversation about aging even though I know that I can no longer do things I did as my younger self. I plan on being productive for another pile of years. So, what does 65 look like? I am ready to replace my old view with a new perspective, even though the government says otherwise! I have never been this age before so I want to live it as I have almost all the other ages I have been – with joy and wonder, with laughter and optimism.

We all face the same challenge to let go of what lies behind, rest in the present and trust the future to God’s good keeping. This is the posture of content obedience.

Here’s to my 66^th trip around the sun.