I heard a statistic when I was first widowed that every cell in my body would be replaced in a seven year span, so that none of my cells now would ever have “known” Jim. I googled that and it is not true!
Seven is just a number and on the other side of the grave no one probably even counts! Yet, it feels like more than just a number. 7 years full of birthdays, soccer games, cups of tea, travels and more have passed since Jim went home to heaven. 7 years feels like such a long time and yet it is such a small amount of time too.
Pick a number, any number and chances are it will be a seven. Perhaps it is because it is biblical (7 days of creation, 7 feasts, 7 branches on the candlestick, 7 days siege of Jericho, 7 years Jacob worked for Rachel, seven seals, 7 bowls, 7 churches, forgive 7 times 70); it occurs more than 700 times!
It is the “most” prime number my math teacher said; because you cannot divide or multiply it within the first 10 numbers it is unique. The optimum number of hours of sleep is 7 hours each night. There are 7 colors in the rainbow. 7 Harry Potter books are in the series.
The night Jim died we were both transformed. Jim was transformed to the past tense on this earth and yet he is more present than I am; he lives in the presence of God! I too began a transformation too. I would never be the person I had been the day before. I have learned some things since that night(more than the 7 listed here), but what remains steadfast is the reality:
- that God in control,
- that He is still good,
- that He can make something good out of the worst situations,
- that grief may endure through the night but joy comes in the morning,
- that He sees me and hears me! God is with me to the end
- that there is hope and joy available everyday
- that I will see Jim again.
I remain adamant that cancer will not define me, but the death of my husband does define me, and it continues to refine and change my perspective, my life and my relationship with God. As personal as grief is, I resonate with others who are on the same journey. Grief is weird. It follows me everywhere and replays like background music in my thoughts. My main goal in life shifted as I learned to carefully unwrap the gift of sorrow and carry my grief. I want the world to see joy, hope and gratitude triumph over despair. I continue to be transformed as I build a different life after “us”. I have amazing friends and family, a good job that replaced my career, and Jim’s legacy to keep alive.
S since 2010
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