Jim at 67.

We celebrated Jim this weekend. Emily made an apple pie. We went out to dinner and played games.

Today is Jim’s birthday. I wonder what life would be like if he was still here. I wish He was. The longer I live without him and the more of his birthdays I celebrate without him the more I realize how blessed I was for the gift he was to the world, especially to me. He was my “only.” I continue to thank God for the life and legacy that is Jim Mohler, for the steadfast love and wholehearted security I have known because of him. I am still in awe that the Lord would give me an extraordinary, sacred and rare gift of love.

I do see him still in my kids

He is there in the little things around the house

He is the voice in my head

He is waiting on our porch in heaven with a cup of tea! (Eterni-Tea!)

This is a tough season for our family beginning with Jim’s death and followed so closely by his birthday and the winter holidays. It feels a bit like we are traveling across a minefield for the next few months through Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now what is even more difficult is being sensitive to the 2 who have stepped into our family since Jim went to heaven as they never knew him. Connor & Amanda have to traverse this season in the dark as the 3 of us lean into our sorrow, push back for perspective and dodge our painful emotions. They walk tentatively and tenderly with us, learning about this amazing force of a man who shaped our lives and family. We cannot replace the loss of Jim, nor do we try, but every year we celebrate him with renewed joy and hope that one day we will celebrate in person again. (And our additional family will meet him!)