The Hope of Glory
Oops! I see that none of my posts have made it on to the blog. When I figure out why not I will re attach them; although it is all old news at this point. Yet, for the 2 of you who read this blog, you might be interested anyway – hahaha!
Today, it has been 2 and a half years since Jim went to heaven. I am glad for him and though I miss him everyday I know that God is still good and Jesus is the hope of glory! It is often difficult to describle the pain I experience and I probably won’t say much even now because I don’t want it to sound like I am complaining and whining. I will say that I am startled by the realization that I probably NEVER get over the emptiness in the pit of my life. Somedays I can ignore the pain enough as I avoid my reality by staying busy or other means of assuaging the grief and other days I just ache unbearably.
I am startled too by the way Jim’s death has impacted my day to day living. I spent half my life as a team with Jim and now I am struggling with “rebooting” everything from exercise to praying by myself. I just did not expect my relationship with God and food and sleep and more to be so negatively impacted by losing my life partner. But it is and now I am struggling to find a new identity and motivation and passion, especially when I don’t want to. For now, it is about all I can do to just show up for the day!
Grief is my companion but we still are not friends.