How to be a great boyfriend!
I was thinking that there are some things that a better said by a father to his son, but I recognize that in your case that can’t happen….or can it!?
In light of the fact that you might need this advice one day soon, I decided to dig through some of the things your dad taught and shared with his students in years’ past. I know you never got the privilege of sitting under him as your youth pastor or college professor but you should know, if you don’t already, that your dad was very intentional about his relationships with his students. He felt a father’s love for them very much the same way as his love for you, and he was very protective of the female students as well. He was a great role model and took it seriously that people were watching how he cared for the girls he dated and for me as his wife. And finally, for now, just know that your dad and I prayed daily for you and the girls you would date/marry.
Here are 2 of the “handouts” he gave with his talks to the guys. Can you hear his voice as he shares it with you now?
A GREAT BOYFRIEND
A godly man: You are called out to become a spiritual leader. Matt 6:33 says to seek first the kingdom of God. Pray with and for your girlfriend. A godly man loves his family and encourages their spiritual growth…
Generous: …with your words, money, time. A good boyfriend is unselfish. Phil 2: 3,4 says that we are to look out for the interests of others and put them first. It also means you give without expecting anything in return. (Prov. 14:21 28:27). Prov. 3:27, 28 – Do not withhold good from those whom it is due.
Reconciler: 2 Cor 5:18-21 Be the first to make peace and say you are sorry. Always forgive. (Prov 19:11). Romans 12:18 as far as it depends on you get along! Be willing to admit when you are wrong (Prov. 28:13)
Entertaining: Be playful, fun, and creative –it keeps your relationship fresh. Prov. 17:22, 15:13.
Appropriate: This is hard to explain to you students but one day, hopefully, you will have kids and you will understand. Treat your girlfriend as though her dad is watching you. (He probably is). Ask for his blessing. Seek to be wise and future minded. Treat your girlfriend the way you would want your future wife to be treated.
Thankful – Have a positive outlook on life …Choose joy (Phil 4:4) A thankful heart is a happy heart. Gratitude makes all the difference. 1 Thess. 5:18
Boundaries/self-controlled. Set your boundaries ahead of time and do not cross them. Ask for help when you need it (Prov. 12:15 16:32). Control your temper (Eph. 4:26). And remember that having control is evidence of the Holy Spirit’s presence in your life. (Gal. 5:22,23)
Obedient – … to the laws, God’s Word… ie. 1 Tim 5:8 says a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever.
Yourself – Take care of yourself, don’t be needy. Practice good hygiene, Be real. Rom 12:9 says Love must be sincere.
Friend – The habits of a good friend relate to the character of one’s mate. Prov. 27:19 says that a mirror reflects a man’s face but what he is really like is shown by the kinds of friends he chooses. Being a good friend:loyal, faithful, kind, thoughtful A good friend sharpens us (Prov 27:17, 17:17, 18:24). Having a girlfriend should not eliminate your need for guys friends, but at the same time, having a girlfriend is an extension of how you have learned to have and be a friend.
Respect/honor – Be a good listener. Even if you are shy you can be 100% present . Manners matter. Honor a girlfriend’s parents and siblings, just as you do with your guy friends’ families.
Integrity – Be honest & trustworthy ( Prov. 29:24, 12:10) but always temper your truth with kindness. Eph 4:15 says to speak the truth in love. (Prov. 19:1, 20:7)
Encourager – As a man and a Christian we are supposed to build each other up. Eph 4:29 says let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth,but only what is edifying. Put downs and negativity make you ugly. Every person you come in contact with should leave better off than before they knew you! Become a Barnabas!
Name – Be a person of character. In the Bible to have a name meant that you had character; your character is etched in stone and will not change. Don’t just put your best foot forward and behave one way depending on the people you are with, or act a certain way to get a girl to like you. Be a person who is consistent with how you live, talk, handle anger, treat others. You need to work on being a person who brings out the best in your girlfriend and are a safe place for her. You are to protect her and give your life for her. (1 Peter 3:7) Phil 2:5-11 says we are to be a servant with the same attitude of Jesus.
Decision maker: Learn to set goals and be responsible. Girls need someone who is steady and dependable. It is good to be easy-going, but remember that a person who cannot make decisions is often seen as inconsistent or untrustworthy. Don’t make your girlfriend decide everything; instead you should lead and have an opinion or idea. It makes her feel valued. James 1:8 says that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
The ABC’s of a “Dateable” person
Godly (Mt 22:37)
Reputation (Eph. 5:3)
X — A bit of Mystery
Zealous (crazy about you and God)