Life as Thank You 48
This is the only posthumous thank you note I am writing this year for obvious reasons; you can’t actually tell someone “thank you” after they are dead, so bless them while you have the opportunity. Having said that, I can’t help but thank the man who shared my life for over 30 years and in some ways continues to share it as I live in light of eternity with our children, family and friends.
Dear Jim. Happy 61st Birthday! I made an apple pie!
It’s been 6 years & three days since we have been apart. If I translate that to what God’s word says about a day being like a 1000 years (2 Peter 3:8, 9) and vice versa (Ps. 90:4), it means that from my perspective I have been without you for 2,196,000 years! And for you it will only be like 6 days if I were to join you tomorrow! The immediate context of the Psalm is the frailty of mere mortal man in comparison to God. This verse amplifies the teaching, saying that no matter how long a time interval is from man’s time-bound perspective, it’s like a twinkling of an eye from God’s eternal perspective. I don’t lose heart because God seems slow at fulfilling His promises knowing He is patient, and also because He is not bound by time as I am. I know that the phrase a day is as a thousand years is a figure of speech, a simile, to teach that God is outside of time (because He is the Creator of time itself); to the eternal Creator of time, a short period of time and a long period of time may as well be the same.
But as I enter year seven, I think that this is my year of Sabbath rest! I wish you were here to see the beauty of our family. I wish you could know Connor and pour into his life. I am sorry you have missed how amazing our nieces and nephews are as adults as well as our own kids. They are sheer joy as they live daily for the King and advancing his Kingdom.
I have made progress. I don’t cry constantly anymore. I seldom notice that I don’t wear a wedding ring even though feeling single still feels abnormal. I still sleep on “my side” of the bed, although I don’t “look” for you in my sleep anymore. I still miss you enough that I wrestle with motivation to live a meaningful life.
I still have too much stuff and I am struggling to part with it. I sense God encouraging me to purge again as I move to Downey. It has been hard to not cling to our stuff as though it confirmed the empty promise that life would go back to normal. It won’t and yet parting with it feels like another step away from “us” and that more memories will fade, even though I know that stuff can’t keep them from fading anyway.
I am working on being grateful everyday as a way of life. And I am so thankful for the life we shared and the blessing of being a team in ministry. Just wait until you see so many of our “kids” worshipping before the throne. I am humbled that God chose to use us and that so many of those families whose lives intersected with ours are serving the Savior with reckless abandon.
Thank you for being a good money manager. Even though I could focus on all the things I live without, the amount of month at the end of my money and all the financial burdens I face, I won’t go there! I cannot tell you how much peace I have that God will figure it out and that there are funds set aside to help meet our family’s needs.
Thank you for always putting us first. The kids had a great childhood with lots of time with their dad. Thank you for the time and investment you made into parenting well. We have so many happy memories and you have left a godly legacy.
Thank you for making my dreams a reality. I did live “happily ever after” – and I am still doing my best to keep living that way. I am so glad that my happiness is not dependent on my circumstances. I am thankful everyday for my best friend and the impact you have made on my forever. I wish I could have had one more day with you but I am so thankful for all the days we shared, whether they were good, bad, meaningless or ministry, they cumulatively molded our lives into something I am humbled by and proud of at the same time. There are so many things my heart wants to say to you, all of which can be summed up in just three words – thanks for everything. I love you. I want to thank God for giving me an amazing husband, best friend and teammate and I want to thank you for giving me an amazing life.
143. 831. ILYTTM