Lost in the Dark hole again
Sometimes I still find myself in the selfish and sad place; this dark and disastrous hole of despair and grief that causes me to feel isolated, cynical and negative about everything. I guess it is time to decide to get out of the hole and climb out to reclaim the day, dramatically shifting my attitude…
Empty
I am like a desert owl, like an owl among the ruins. I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof. Psalm 102:6,7 (my lament as my nest gets emptier) Jim used to ask kids to point their finger at their temple and say the letters T M over and over quickly. …
Celebrate this Heartbeat
I’m gonna celebrate this heartbeat Cause it just might be my last Everyday is a gift from the Lord on high And they all go by so fast…. (lyrics and song by Randy Stonehill) This is the tune stuck in my head this morning as I ponder the brevity of life and the struggle for…
It has already been 6 years
6 years since the strange shuffling of his foot and the droop in in his smile. 6 years since he seemed to become slow to respond and abnormally quiet. 6 years since the “C” word entered my life and altered the landscape of my existence. 6 years. It seems distant and faded in many ways.…
Blue Christmas…reflecting on living between the advents
It is hard to admit because it feels shameful to be sad, but the fact of the matter is that this season is not easy for me. I guess I feel guilty and embarrassed that I can only outwardly appear to be composed and at peace when inwardly I feel that my grief is so…
Mirm in Wonderland
There are so many childhood fairy tales that have hidden meanings if we look for them. Sometimes they are there intentionally as in Narnia and sometimes perhaps there are just lessons that can be applied to our own story like a parable. I love both kinds of tales and the secret lands that I find…
Miriam on 34th St
It is my 34th Anniversary so I decided to have a little picnic in honor of the day. Jim proposed at 34th street in Newport Beach on Christmas day in 1979. I was trying to think of some clever way to remember and honor the day. There were several interesting ideas*… but in the end…
Three Years
Dear Jim, What would I say to you if I could see you today, three years after you left earth for heaven? I know that there are events and thoughts that happen all the time that I want to tell you about. For example, I work at church now as an Admin in the Student…
My post today as I get ready for tomorrow…
This is morbidly funny on the anniversary eve of Jim’s graduation to glory! (Just the kind of thing he would have told) (A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!!) A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the…
33 years!
I know some might consider it silly to keep celebrating my anniversary even though Jim is in heaven but on this date I changed my name, committed my life to another and began a new family. That family still exists and I am dedicated to its survival. I just cannot ignore a day that forever…