Fears
I have been worried about losing my job for years. It is often an irrational fear with underlying roots in unworthiness and lack of confidence, but now it is more than a fear. It is more likely than it has been and my boss basically asked for volunteers today as the budget shortfall is $1.5…
Jim at 67.
We celebrated Jim this weekend. Emily made an apple pie. We went out to dinner and played games. Today is Jim’s birthday. I wonder what life would be like if he was still here. I wish He was. The longer I live without him and the more of his birthdays I celebrate without him the…
November 5th
This is a day seared into my memory forever. It is that mix of complete devastation and holy moments. It was a blend of wanting complete privacy and needing to allow everyone else to say their goodbyes. It is the worst day of my life and the hardest one I have ever known. It is…
October
This is going to be a random dump of thoughts: I finally got Covid. It was icky. I do not care what anyone says about it being “over” or “just a bad cold”. It is not fun, lonely for a single person, scary and not something I would ever want to repeat. I am vaxed…
63
Today is my Birthday! I got a day off from work so I took the car for an oil change, did yard work, talked with my financial advisor, called the DMV for my folks, took stuff to Good Will, made scones and talked to a variety of friends. Then I went on a coupon spending…
The Other Woman part 2
Once upon a time, aka 30 years ago, my husband fell in love with another woman. Actually, that is not quite accurate – it was a female child. When September 3rd had just begun, so began the in-person relationship between Jim and Emily that had begun to develop as an idea many years earlier in…
Thank You Jordan
One of the regular and super icky parts of my jobs is the turn-over of leaders. I have worked here for 10 years and off the top of my head I counted 42 + people who have left staff from just Students & Kids department team! So, I form friendships. I do my best to…
What I learned from marriage
42 years ago I said “I do”. I was only married for part of my life because Jim joined the great cloud of witnesses after we hit #30. But even though I have been “single” for the last 12 years I do not feel “single”. I still feel my sweet Jim’s presence in so many…
The Other Woman
I am no longer the main woman in Clayton’s life. I have actually known this for a year. And I knew it would eventually happen. I even have prayed for it and yet now it is a bittersweet reality. My son shares his heart with someone else. She makes him happy. She asked me recently…
Stolen Things
I spent the last week caring for cats. It is a privilege to be considered trustworthy to make sure someone else’s stuff is safe, that the things they hold dear are cared for. While there is no guarantee that they would come home and everything would be there and alive, that is the obvious hope.…