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Archive for the ‘grief’ Category

Life with a big future full of dreams. Together. 36 years ago I said “I do”. Life was perfect. I was marrying the man God ordained for me. We made wedding plans. My dress was designed by me and sewn by a family friend as were the bridesmaid’s dresses. Rings were bought. Flowers ordered. Cake […]

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I’m Thirsty

I am not sure what this will look like as I blog, but I am sensing a need to thirst after God in 2016.  For whatever reason, which I could pinpoint but do not care to limit it to that, I have not really been thirsty for God in recent memory and therefore my soul […]

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The 5th anniversary – Nov. 5

So today is the 5th anniversary of the day Jim breathed heaven for the first time.  That day will always be surreal for me as I reflect on each moment of that day.  There were highlights like singing over Jim as he left the shadowlands for glory.  There are regrets and things I would have done […]

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My mom and I had dinner recently and as we were talking she mentioned that the question “Why” is almost always the wrong question. It got me thinking and wanting to ask the question, “Why is that?!” (hahaha) Why do humans always want to know why? We seem to have a need to justify things […]

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The other day I was approached by a Facebook team and asked if I would be willing to give an interview about my experience with a Memorial page on the social media site, because of the way I memorialized Jim’s Facebook page.  I was happy to oblige as I was hoping they would allow me […]

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Sometimes I still find myself in the selfish and sad place; this dark and disastrous hole of despair and grief that causes me to feel isolated, cynical and negative about everything.  I guess it is time to decide to get out of the hole and climb out to reclaim the day, dramatically shifting my attitude […]

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Empty

I am like a desert owl, like an owl among the ruins. I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof.  Psalm 102:6,7  (my lament as my nest gets emptier) Jim used to ask kids to point their finger at their temple and say the letters T M over and over quickly.  Of […]

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I’m gonna celebrate this heartbeat Cause it just might be my last Everyday is a gift from the Lord on high And they all go by so fast…. (lyrics and song by Randy Stonehill) This is the tune stuck in my head this morning as I ponder the brevity of life and the struggle for […]

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6 years since the strange shuffling of his foot and the droop in in his smile.  6 years since he seemed to become slow to respond and abnormally quiet.  6 years since the “C” word entered my life and altered the landscape of my existence.  6 years.  It seems distant and faded in many ways.  I […]

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It is hard to admit because it feels shameful to be sad, but the fact of the matter is that this season is not easy for me. I guess I feel guilty and embarrassed that I can only outwardly appear to be composed and at peace when inwardly I feel that my grief is so […]

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